I was not quite Spanish nor totally Irish, and yet, I was never able to get rid of that feeling of homesickness whichever of the two countries I was in.
I believe my two languages really define who I was as a child, and who I became as an adult, as language comes with a whole set of values, beliefs and a history of its own. Language is culture.
It wasn’t till later on in my life, when I became an English teacher and started learning and becoming more aware of the workings of languages, that I realised I was not the same person in both languages. I was shy and relatively introverted in Spanish. However, I was very comfortable with speaking my mind and sharing my thoughts in English in a formal setting. This realization, apart from fascinating me, got me thinking of how languages can shape who you are, and about my own history with each language.
One of the first things you realise when you start learning a new language is that it determines what you can say through lexis and grammar.
What is more, there are concepts that only exist in some languages, so if you can’t speak them there are things you may not even be able to understand. How many shades of green and blue can you name? Apparently, speakers of Himba in Namibia can name-and therefore identify- a much greater number than English natives.
When thinking of language as culture, it becomes quite obvious that there’s such thing as ‘language etiquette’. In some communities, saying what you really think about a tasteless meal someone has spent hours cooking for you might be frowned upon. The same comment might be seen as an honourable act of honesty in other communities. Physical and language boundaries define these communities. I learned how to effusively express my satisfaction in Spanish and politely hide my displeasure in English.
Your own history with a language also defines how you relate to it: where, when and who do you generally speak it with? Even your proficiency in a language can influence how comfortable you feel when you are speaking it.
In my case, English was always the language of leisure, holidays and family. I spoke English at home to my dad, I was read to in English when I was little, and English was the language of every summer’s happy-wet holidays in Dublin.
On the other hand, Spanish was the language I expressed my deepest feelings in when speaking to my mum. However, it was also the language I was reprimanded in at home, and educated in at school. Your language of instruction can have a great impact on your personality as education plays such an important role in defining our personality. The rigid memory-based education system I went through in the Spain of the 80s and 90s, explains my later reluctance to think aloud in large groups and my fear of making mistakes.
Years later, when studying and working in Ireland and in a British company, I met this other person who I also was. Learning was still about listening, but now also about sharing. I enjoyed expressing my views and I did so without thinking about it twice. I had never been told in English that there was only one right answer to a question!
Although this is my very own experience with my two mother tongues, I’m sure each of us can spot differences in the way we think or behave depending on what language we’re doing it in.
Whether it’s due to the language’s own history or to your relationship with it, I believe languages can deeply influence who we are. How many ways of telling someone you love them are there in your language? I can say ‘te quiero’ in Spanish to my family and partner, but I can also say ‘te amo’ to someone I’m really in love with. However, in English I can only say ‘I love you’. Telling someone you love them can be a pretty big deal, as there aren’t different degrees to the feeling, so you often try to save it till you really mean it!
The concept of different languages and different ways of thinking is by no means a new one. BBC Ideas has compiled a very interesting set of stories in this 4-minute video. What is your own?
Elsa O'Brien
Vincenzo's Personal Story
I think it's really important that you brought up the impact of proficiency in a language. This is something that certainly affects how we feel about it and when we're speaking it. I actually had included a few lines about it in my first draft of the article.
Our proficiency is not something static, and it changes with time and use. It's great that, in your case, you feel more comfortable speaking English nowadays than you used to.
My personal journey
I am Italian and I remember hating English classes at school because I felt I wasn't able to express myself in the way I wanted to. I also noticed too many differences in its grammar and rules in general. So this was my excuse to keep distance from this amazing and essential language until I moved to Dublin when I was 24. At the same time, I've always loved and enjoyed Spanish: similar culture, grammar, expressions, and rules. I had no problems in learning the language and I was always myself when speaking Spanish. After having lived in different countries and learnt Spanish, English and French, I can say that languages can open doors and, at the same time, be a huge barrier and change your personality. And that's what happened to me: I have always been a chatterbox in Italian and Spanish but when I had to speak in English I turned into a shy and cold person. Fortunately, I can now say that I'm myself when speaking these 4 languages. It's also true, as Elsa said, that depending on the topic or feeling I want to share, I feel that I can do it properly just in one of these languages.
My language story
I came to live in Spain as an adult student and, despite recognising the rigidity and restriction of expressing ideas freely in the education system (university), I was struck by the complete opposite in a social contexts. Spanish is a much more direct language that "says it as it is", without sugaring the pill unlike English which can by cryptic at times due to hedging and politeness. In contrast to the average classroom in Spain, at a social event it's culturally acceptable to interrupt, speak louder to be heard, express dislike quite openly and make -what seems to the English ear- commands more often than polite requests. As a native English speaker, I actually found this very refreshing and liberating when I came to live in Spain and felt that I was able to express myself more freely, giving the impression (and as a result, making me feel) that I was more confident. I think that, given the nature of both languages and cultures, I often feel that I come across more serious and formal when speaking English, and more expressive, more to-the-point and, sometimes, funnier!
Louise's language story
How interesting, Louise. Even though our experiences with both languages are completely different I am aware of the cultural difference you're reffering to. It can definitely be a personality-defining one.
As you mention, it's very important to understand that these totally different ways of getting on in social contexts exist, in oder to avoid misunderstandings and uncomfortable situations!
I found the article very interesting and relatable. I agree with the fact that language and language proficiency shape your personality. I would like to share my own experience with regards to this matter. My L1 is Romanian and my L2 is Spanish. I consider myself more proficient in the latter and I even feel insecure when I speak Romanian. I permanently moved to Spain when I was 12 and completed here my secondary and higher education, and I do not have many opportunities to speak Romanian or to be exposed to it, so my L1 linguistic competences have gradually decreased.
Every time I go back, I struggle to fluently express myself in Romanian and I almost completely lost the regional accent. Once, while I was there with my family, I used the expression ‘’pillar con las manos en la masa’’. My relatives struggled to understand me because we do not have this expression in Romanian; we use ‘’in flagrant’’ instead. Even if they found this mistake funny, I felt extremely insecure and, because of episodes like this, I used to try to carefully express myself in Romanian, and to even force a regional accent.
With regards to what you said about ‘’I love you’’, in Romanian there is only one expression for it, as well: ‘’Te iubesc’’, and it is mostly used among lovers, which I find interesting and slightly sad at the same time, because it seems like we do not want to reflect our emotions through language. I am not an anthropologist, but I believe poorer societies and communities tend to be more open and warmer than richer ones, and I come from an industrial and rich region, where expressing emotions may be interpreted as weakness and failure.
In any case, I am not familiar with the use of ‘’Te iubesc’’ in other regions, so I cannot speak for the entire country, but in my case, it is rare to hear it among family or friends. We usually express our love through ‘’take care’’ or, more recently, through heart emojis, but we rarely (if not never) say ‘’Te iubesc’’ to each other. Only the thought of saying it to my family members makes me feel strange. What a shame, right?
In any case, in the past, I struggled with identity issues due to this linguistic and cultural conflict. I felt incomplete: I would never be entirely Spanish because I cannot deny or reject my origins, but I could not completely be Romanian because I am losing the language and distancing myself from the culture, while integrating myself into another one. However, I managed to finally accept the fact that I am not incomplete, but quite the opposite. I am who I am because of the merge of these two cultures, which renders my linguistic and cultural repertoire rich. I am at peace every time my cousins laugh at my Romanglish. And I have already bought some Romanian novels for when I finish the master’s degree. Wish me luck!
Thank you again for sharing this article, it was almost therapeutical for me. I cannot wait to read other experiences. Thank you for your attention and I wish you all a peaceful week.
Best regards.