Many teachers and educationalists argue that a friendly and relaxed atmosphere in the classroom helps learners develop more quickly, but is it really possible for teachers and students to be friends?
What are your views on this topic? If you have any comments you would like to make on this topic Login or Registerthen click on Add new comment below.
I'm not so sure about this. Becoming too close to students can be dangerous ground (I've heard plenty of stories)!
I think it's better for the teacher to have a friendly, approachable nature, but to retain a little professional or mature distance. (eg. Okay to chat with them over a cuppa during the break, but not to join them for a night out on town on the weekend).
I think, things are changing all over the world, and not only with regard to teacher-student relationship but also with regard to father-son relationship. The change can be described as from 'being very formal' to 'being very informal' or 'intimate'.
One can notice this change also in other contexts. For example, in educational institutions, in the corporate world and in the private sector, things have already changed. Colleagues no longer use formal expressions while communicating with each other. In developed countries, such as the UK and the USA, these changes occured a long time ago.
In developing countries, such as India, however, the process of change is usually quite slow. The friendship is only one way at the moment. That is, teachers can treat students as their friends, but students can not do so. It will take about 200 hundred years to notice this change in government departments in India.
I welcome this change, but as Donne has said 'No man is an island', and I have to go along with others around me. At a personal level, I won't mind if my students address me as 'Harsh'. But I know this won't work in my context at the moment. The context makes it necessary that my students should address me as 'Sir'.The journey from 'Sir' to 'Mr Kadepurkar' to ' Harsh' is quite a long one. Right!
No. All the younger teachers at my school always tried to be friends with the students. They lost a lot of respect from the kids and they just started to walk all over them.
We should always be careful in this suituation. We have to be aware of who the student is and what kind of institution we are working for. As I am a business English teacher and work in companies, I see no problems in making friends with my students and it actually helps me understand some of their linguistic difficulties and help them with it.
When I first began teaching, I was always happy to accept an invitation to the pub but then realised that it created an overly familiar atmosphere in the class. If they didn't feel like working, then they wouldn't. I soon began to learn that if a friendship should happen, it's better to wait until they don't register for any more lessons.
In some countries I've worked in, I would always turn down invites because I felt like the 'entertainment' for the evening and they were just out with me for further practice. That's not how I wanted to spend my free time. Plus, I felt I couldn't express myself freely and be myself.
In Brussels, I'm happy for the learners to organise an end of course dinner. In fact, it's more for them and I'm one of the guests and it doesn't seem to be in my honour. Most of them use English in their professional and social lives anyway so it's not as if I'm there for extra practice. And I will let them know that I'm off work if they ask any linguistic questions.
My other dilemna was learners who put in friend requests on facebook. I always make sure that I accept once the course is finished as some of my photos show me not in the most professional of lights :-)
A question requiring mature judgment, to be sure. One major factor is the age of the students. I have been invited to go drinking with my university students many times and have declined; it's simply not a good idea (for me). On the other hand, I have invited entire classes of students to my home for a western style dinner. Students enjoy the opportunity to socialize and sample cuisine from another part of the world. In a very real sense, this is a learning experience for them, too. Since I live very near campus, most students know where I live, and some have dropped by to say hello and enjoy a cup of tea. As a single man in a foreign country, their visits are, for the most part, a welcome distraction. As in all relationships, one must establish borders. For me, having students as friends has made the time spent away from my culture (more than ten years now) a bit less lonely, and certainly it has been fun. I have never had any bad experiences (although I have heard of others who have). So long as the friendship is based on genuine mutual respect and boundaries are clearly established, I see no problem with it.
I do agree with Heath. I am a newbie in teaching. Since I am young, many students thought that I am approachable and friendly. Indeed I am. We got along very well in mean time. Sometimes they shared their love stories with me, and I, as an older person, would give them advice. Later I found that being friendly out of classes caused me many problems. The students could not differenciate the situations. They brought their habits out of class into the class, but they still respected me as their teacher.
I think we should tell the students at the begining of our classes that we can be their friends out of the school time. During the school time, they should know that we are still their teachers. In my opinion, being teachers is an occupation. It is just a part of ourselves. It will not prevent us to be their friends, though we have to maintain the integrity as a mature person.
I think that first, we should define "a friend" to ourselves. A Friend is someone you like very much and like to spend time with. My idea is that a teacher should be friendly, approachable, but not a friend. Our relationship with our students is somehow different. We should be able not only to make them interested in what we teach, but also encourage, discipline and quite often even make them learn. The process of learning consists not only of things we enjoy doing. Let's think about effectiveness of learning. Friendship supposes equal position and rights of the people involved. Can we speak about that in the relationship between a teacher and a student? What we are forbidden to do is to fraternize with our students for the sake of the results we want to get.
When the environment feels very relaxing and there's a lot of confidence from both parts, (teacher and the student) the result is that they get to know better and become friends. However, becoming friends doesn't mean to lose respect as a teacher but to create a nice atmosphere inside and outside the class. I would also say that the size of the group and the hours the teacher spends with the group could determine the kind of relationship with the students as well.
On the contrary, certain students and teachers prefer to be more reserved and to keep the relationship more into the professional kind of thing.
Basically, the answer to this question has to do with the personality of the teacher and students and the willingness of both to become friends or not. Also, the culture plays an important role since in some cultures teachers are still figures of respect and almost untouchable.
It really depends on the situation. The important thing is to not cross the line between being friendly with your students and becoming their bud. Like others have said, students can easily take advantage of your "friendship" by not cooperating in the classroom anymore, as they feel they don't need to.
Printer-friendly version
Comments
Heath
I'm not so sure about this. Becoming too close to students can be dangerous ground (I've heard plenty of stories)!
I think it's better for the teacher to have a friendly, approachable nature, but to retain a little professional or mature distance. (eg. Okay to chat with them over a cuppa during the break, but not to join them for a night out on town on the weekend).
Harsh Kadepurkar
I think, things are changing all over the world, and not only with regard to teacher-student relationship but also with regard to father-son relationship. The change can be described as from 'being very formal' to 'being very informal' or 'intimate'.
One can notice this change also in other contexts. For example, in educational institutions, in the corporate world and in the private sector, things have already changed. Colleagues no longer use formal expressions while communicating with each other. In developed countries, such as the UK and the USA, these changes occured a long time ago.
In developing countries, such as India, however, the process of change is usually quite slow. The friendship is only one way at the moment. That is, teachers can treat students as their friends, but students can not do so. It will take about 200 hundred years to notice this change in government departments in India.
I welcome this change, but as Donne has said 'No man is an island', and I have to go along with others around me. At a personal level, I won't mind if my students address me as 'Harsh'. But I know this won't work in my context at the moment. The context makes it necessary that my students should address me as 'Sir'.The journey from 'Sir' to 'Mr Kadepurkar' to ' Harsh' is quite a long one. Right!
thevacuum
No. All the younger teachers at my school always tried to be friends with the students. They lost a lot of respect from the kids and they just started to walk all over them.
carladelia
We should always be careful in this suituation. We have to be aware of who the student is and what kind of institution we are working for. As I am a business English teacher and work in companies, I see no problems in making friends with my students and it actually helps me understand some of their linguistic difficulties and help them with it.
liz fishwick
A quandary isn't it?
When I first began teaching, I was always happy to accept an invitation to the pub but then realised that it created an overly familiar atmosphere in the class. If they didn't feel like working, then they wouldn't. I soon began to learn that if a friendship should happen, it's better to wait until they don't register for any more lessons.
In some countries I've worked in, I would always turn down invites because I felt like the 'entertainment' for the evening and they were just out with me for further practice. That's not how I wanted to spend my free time. Plus, I felt I couldn't express myself freely and be myself.
In Brussels, I'm happy for the learners to organise an end of course dinner. In fact, it's more for them and I'm one of the guests and it doesn't seem to be in my honour. Most of them use English in their professional and social lives anyway so it's not as if I'm there for extra practice. And I will let them know that I'm off work if they ask any linguistic questions.
My other dilemna was learners who put in friend requests on facebook. I always make sure that I accept once the course is finished as some of my photos show me not in the most professional of lights :-)
What do others do about facebook and learners?
HansGustav
A question requiring mature judgment, to be sure. One major factor is the age of the students. I have been invited to go drinking with my university students many times and have declined; it's simply not a good idea (for me). On the other hand, I have invited entire classes of students to my home for a western style dinner. Students enjoy the opportunity to socialize and sample cuisine from another part of the world. In a very real sense, this is a learning experience for them, too. Since I live very near campus, most students know where I live, and some have dropped by to say hello and enjoy a cup of tea. As a single man in a foreign country, their visits are, for the most part, a welcome distraction. As in all relationships, one must establish borders. For me, having students as friends has made the time spent away from my culture (more than ten years now) a bit less lonely, and certainly it has been fun. I have never had any bad experiences (although I have heard of others who have). So long as the friendship is based on genuine mutual respect and boundaries are clearly established, I see no problem with it.
alicya nophie
I do agree with Heath. I am a newbie in teaching. Since I am young, many students thought that I am approachable and friendly. Indeed I am. We got along very well in mean time. Sometimes they shared their love stories with me, and I, as an older person, would give them advice. Later I found that being friendly out of classes caused me many problems. The students could not differenciate the situations. They brought their habits out of class into the class, but they still respected me as their teacher.
I think we should tell the students at the begining of our classes that we can be their friends out of the school time. During the school time, they should know that we are still their teachers. In my opinion, being teachers is an occupation. It is just a part of ourselves. It will not prevent us to be their friends, though we have to maintain the integrity as a mature person.
elena.terentieva
I think that first, we should define "a friend" to ourselves. A Friend is someone you like very much and like to spend time with. My idea is that a teacher should be friendly, approachable, but not a friend. Our relationship with our students is somehow different. We should be able not only to make them interested in what we teach, but also encourage, discipline and quite often even make them learn. The process of learning consists not only of things we enjoy doing. Let's think about effectiveness of learning. Friendship supposes equal position and rights of the people involved. Can we speak about that in the relationship between a teacher and a student? What we are forbidden to do is to fraternize with our students for the sake of the results we want to get.
ARAG
When the environment feels very relaxing and there's a lot of confidence from both parts, (teacher and the student) the result is that they get to know better and become friends. However, becoming friends doesn't mean to lose respect as a teacher but to create a nice atmosphere inside and outside the class. I would also say that the size of the group and the hours the teacher spends with the group could determine the kind of relationship with the students as well.
On the contrary, certain students and teachers prefer to be more reserved and to keep the relationship more into the professional kind of thing.
Basically, the answer to this question has to do with the personality of the teacher and students and the willingness of both to become friends or not. Also, the culture plays an important role since in some cultures teachers are still figures of respect and almost untouchable.
cannylink
It really depends on the situation. The important thing is to not cross the line between being friendly with your students and becoming their bud. Like others have said, students can easily take advantage of your "friendship" by not cooperating in the classroom anymore, as they feel they don't need to.